


Bad Dreams

by transsam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad Dreams, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 09:29:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15816159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/transsam/pseuds/transsam
Summary: It's not something he was truly ready to open up about, but as it turns out he didn't need to say much at all.





	Bad Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really happy with how this turned out but I hope y'all can enjoy it.

The knock woke up him up at around two thirty am. It wasn't Dean, he could tell by the sound of the knock, besides Dean wasn’t-... his senses went on high gear, jumped out of bed so fast his neck got a khink. Groaning, Sam rubbed his aching neck as he sat up on the edge of his bed, his body still shaking from the nightmare the sound has snapped him out of, which he was grateful for.

"Jack?" 

A small pause came before the reply. "Yes, can I come in?"

"Yeah" Sam grimaced, hand still rubbing at the pain in his neck, heart rate slowly dropping. Jack opened the door carefully peeking his head in and glancing around the room before approaching him. The young man was dressed in some of his older pajamas pants, the legs so comically long they had to be folded several times by the ankles so he wouldn't trip in them. He also wore his old purple t-shirt, the one with the dog on it. It fit him a bit better but still left a lot of room.

"You said I could always come to you if I needed anything?" Jack looked a bit hesitant around the room before walking up next to him, eyes fixed on the floor, avoiding Sam’s gaze. 

"You can tell me." Sam gave him a sincere smile. Despite the rather rude awakening, knowing Jack had taken him up on his offer filled him with joy. Jack could be difficult to read., he was despite his appearance not an average you man but still a child in many ways. The normal social cues did not always apply to him:, he saw, touched and felt the world much like a child and had yet to pick up on your average behavior. It reminded him so much of Cas in many ways.

He scooted to the side, patting the place beside him. With a shy smile on his face, Jack came to sit sext to Sam, the bed dipping sinking slightly from his weight. 

"I had this dream..."

"A bad one?" 

Jack nodded, clenching in hands in the fabric of his pyjamas pants. He was chewing on his lips, body shaking slightly when Sam placed a hand around him.

“You want to tell me about it?” He asked, Jack gave him a quick glance in response, stuttering out his words.

"I-...do-...do you have bad dreams?"

"Yeah, yeah I do, everyone does."

Although he did not dream that often and when he did-... the dreams were rarely good. He remember even as a child he was plagued by nightmares. Perhaps it was Azazel´s blood running through him or maybe it was just the Hunter's life, but unpleasant dreams seemed to follow him all his life. At his worse he thought they would consume him, after his Soul was saved from Lucifer's cage his memories came streaming back like a flooded dam, even in his dream he could not escape the memories of the Archangels or their torture, or the hallucination of him. Even after Cas saved him, he still remembered, so did his dreams.

"I dreamt that I hurt people…. My dream felt so real, like I was there. I could feel them die, feel myself kill them. Part of me wanted to stop, but the other part... Enjoyed it. I don't understand why I would enjoy something like that."

There was a time, much to his shame, when Sam could truly imagine Jack like that, becoming more like Lucifer. His own fear and doubts about Jack almost clouding him from seeing what Jack could truly be. It wasn’t like that now, what Jack described felt almost incomprehensible now after everything. They’ve both made mistakes yes, been reckless, but the boy beside him was nothing but good, Kelly was right, Cas was right, and so was he, he’d proven Dean wrong about Jack, and he´d proven Lucifer wrong. Something about that fact filled him with pride.

 

"What if I become like that?"

"You won't" 

Placing a form hand on Jacks shoulder he gave him the most reassuring smile he could pull. He had to believe he wouldn't, so that Jack would believe it, so that Jack could have faith in himself. But he hardly had any doubts about it anymore. He had been terrified of Jack going down that path, even just a week ago he’d still been so afraid. But now with Lucifer dead, after everything he’d seen Jack do, after witnessing him making the right choices each time he knew.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I just know when looking at you.... After everything you've been through, I know you’re good.”

Jack gave him a small smile that quickly faulted as he avoided his gaze again. 

“Sam, can I ask you something?”

Somehow he knew just what would come up, just the kind of things Jack wanted to ask, and he wasn’t ready for it. Could he really keep prolonging all of it? Deny Jack the whole truth now only to keep pushing it down. Jack deserved to know everything, but how could he even begin to explain?

“Lucifer said he’d hurt you, that he deserved what you did after everything he’d done to you… Why did he say that, what did he do?”

There it was. A part of him had this impulse to just… storm out of the room, leaving Jack and his questions behind. But it would be too cowardly, and Jack deserved to know, part of Sam needed him to know. He'd held it all in for to long, never really told anyone. He might never be able to go into details but... he needed someone to know.

“...Sam please, I want to know!” He hadn’t realized just how long he’d stayed silent for until Jack grabbed a hold on his biceps, shaking his arm slightly. He turned his head from the concern in Jack’s face and his pleading eyes. "What did he do to you?" Jack pressed.

Despite how much part of him desired to spill it all out then and there, it was just no proper way to answer that, not to Jack no to anyone and not now, maybe not ever. He never even told Dean about what happened.. And Jack? Jack was a child, new to this world, he didn’t know all it’s perils even with everything he’d seen. If he could word everything, how could he know it would not be to much of a burden to put on Jack?

“I just have no idea how to explain it to you” Sam admitted.

The frow of Jack’s face was one of confusion, his stare so intense that Sam had to turn his head away. Shame stirring in his stomach, he had waltzed into a situation he could not get out of now but one he wanted nothing to do with yet he needed to confront. He needed Jack to know, to learn about Lucifer and what he did.

“Is that why you wouldn't tell me?”

Sam fought the sting of tears in his eyes, the thick lump in his throat that he couldn't swallow no matter how hard he tried. He’d wanted to… he’d wanted to tell Dean for so long. Several times he’d written it all down, prepared himself to sit down and tell him everything… but he couldn’t he just couldn’t.  
But when would he ever be able to talk about this? Lucifer was gone now, finally gone for good. Not just locked up, he was dead, he’d never be able to hurt him or anyone else again, and all thanks to Dean he never had to look at the face of his tormentor, his tortures, his rapist ever again.

So he had to try.

“I’m….he would would, cut into me… peel all my skin of piece by piece. He burned me, laughing when I screamed, I begging him to stop. Sometimes he’d strap me down, pulling out my organs one by one. Sometimes he showed me him… the real him, the way an angel looks like underneath a vessel and I can’t even describe it, it’s… it's terrible”

He remember Lucifer’s changing form to vividly. Incomprehensible and grand. He’s burned like a frozen star, his touch freezing his skin at will, shattering his flesh. He’d never thought he’d ever be warm again. To many eyes looking at him, they’d been all around him staring at everything that was Sam’s naked soul, red and glowing. His voice sounding like a thousand broken screams singing out to him the most terrible tune, the sound of it cracking his soul. And yet he could always understand every terrible word.

The fallen Archangel was terrible, beautiful in a sense, his skin glowing, lighting up the cage in the most beautiful mesmerizing light. But yet awful, twisted and terrible. When Lucifer took on his true form before him, when he no longer wore Nick… (or whatever other form he willed in order to torment him) Sam always knew the worst was yet to come.  
Lucifer’s form would expand and stretch to ever confinement of the cage . Sam would be forced to the smallest corner of the cage, crawling away and curling into himself. The Archangel angel would reach for him with one of his six arms, claws digging into his skin cutting right through him if he tried to struggle away.  
The worst times, when Lucifer nether wanted to torture or maim him, he’d touch him. And In the form of Nick it was all so much simpler, maybe even describable, he'd learned to cope with Lucifer touching him, stripping apart all his dignity with his human hands. But all those things Lucifer would do when showing him his true form… he couldn't even begin to describe that, there were no words truly capable in any human tongue to describe how much misery an angel in his true form could inflict on a human soul. How he could never wash himself clean of the Angel's grace.

“He violated me in ways I can’t even begin to describe... I, I can't, I can't- ” He felt his voice getting caught in his throat, his breath hitching.

"Violation? What do you mean? Like Rape?"

Oh. He already knew. Part of Sam felt almost revealed that the didn't have to explain it all to him, but another part felt panicked, since now he had no excuse to find, nothing to avoid that particular subject. What could he even say? How could he even begin to find the right words to describe just what was done to him.

“Yeah he, yeah…” 

"And he did those things? To you?" 

Something in Jack looked angry, disturbed even. The room felt tense, hot even, in a way that felt almost physical.

“Sam… Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I don’t know I guess…” Sam shook his head biting his lip in frustration. “I guess I was afraid you wouldn't believe me, or understand.”

“I would have believed you, you could have made me understand! Why didn’t you trust me?”

“I didn’t… I didn’t want you to know Jack, I don’t want anyone to know!” He quickly draw a hand up in his defense when he felt a tear run down his face, not realizing he’d been on the verge of tears until his view of Jack became blurry and warm.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay Jack” Sam took a shaky inhale of breath, “You’re right I should have told you, trusted you with it… I’ve just been…” Afraid to hurt Jack’s purity? To expose his own shame and guilt? Something like that. But it seemed like the world had already taken care of some of that. He never expected Jack to even know of such a crude concept yet. He wished he didn’t. But then if he didn’t and if he told Jack the truth then he’d be the one to explain that to him, explain rape along with his own experience of it. At least faith wasn’t as cruel as to confront him with that. 

“I’m sorry” Jack repeated, a hand reaching out to touch him. Sam grabbed it before it could reach his teary face, but squeezing it in his own, the gesture feeling oddly comforting.

“How do you, uh… how do you even know of those things?” Sam manage to stutter out. A slight flicker of panic building in him as scenarios played in his head. What if Jack himself had been exposed to those things? If so when, how could he have failed him like that, what could he have done to prevent those kind of things from happening?

“The other world… it was a dark bad place" Jack glared at the wall for a bit, his voice turning hard. “Some of the angels, they did terrible thing to people. I didn’t understand… your mother explained it to me”  
He looked back at Sam again. “That’s a terrible thing to do to a person. I wished I’d known, I never would have- I would have killed him for you.”

God he wished… he wished things could have been that simple. But even if he’d been selfish enough to burden Jack with everything Jack shouldn't have to take on the responsibility of killing Lucifer for him. No, he should have been the one to do that. Him. Maybe then Dean would still be with them, maybe then this would all be easier. But because he was t0o weak to kill one person, Dean was in peril again. Sam knew he shouldn't blame himself, that there was never an easy way to kill an Archangel, but he wished, he wished so badly he'd been the one to pierce Lucifer's heart. 

"I woke up from my own dream and I could hear you, feel some of your pain. I was almost afraid that because of my own dream I was hurting you." Jack looked up at him, studying his face. "I'm just so afraid I'll still hurt you someday, like in my dreams."

He leaned into his hand placing one over his with a bit of a shy smile. Jack was always warm, radiating with it. It was such a polar opposite of Lucifer whose skin always burned cold, his fingers rough and merciless. Jack's fingers was soft and slim, so warm they almost felt feverish.

"You won't Jack, I know you won't" Lucifer might have promised never to hurt him once, but Jack didn't have to promise everything, he already knew he wouldn't.

The Nephilim embraced him, wrapping his arms around his neck and held him tight. The warmth that came from Jack felt almost radiating, it was a pure and raw sensation. He smelled almost sweet, a sweetest he couldn't quite put into words, a sweetness that was Jack. 

"I promise I'll never let anyone hurt you like that again" He mumbled against Sam's shoulder, making him go stiff for a moment.

"That's-" Jack shouldn't have to do that, he was still just a kid. But he couldn't find his words or his protests, he simply held the boy tighter, afraid that if he let go this would all be one of his dreams again. He felt safe, like so much weight had lifted from his shoulders. Not many words had been exchanged yet Jack knew, he'd told someone, he was no longer alone in this.


End file.
